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Acting Straight
Feral:
Acting Straight
--- Quote ---That got me thinking about how often I hear someone gay use the expression "straight-acting" to describe another gay man. The more I thought about it, the more offensive it became. I'm sure I've been guilty of using it in the past, but more recently, I've come to realize just how damaging the term can be -- both within and outside the LGBT community.
How does one even act straight? Is there one prescribed way to be heterosexual? And why would a gay person even want to act straight? Possibly because the flip side of acting straight would be acting gay.
Ask your average Joe on the street what it means to act gay and you're likely to get a laundry list of gay stereotypes: limp wrist, lisp, obsession with appearance, flamboyant, and effeminate, maybe with a few "you go, girls" thrown in for good measure. Do I know any gay people who fit that description? Sure. But I know even more who don't. The truth is there are as many ways to act gay as there are to act straight. It's the stereotypes that scare some people, though.
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So many gay people are caught up in negative image ideas. Some feel they have to act a certain way in order to be gay -- you have to worship Madonna, call all your guy friends "girlfriend," and sleep around as much as possible. Hey, if that's who you really are then great! You be you. The problem is, I've seen so many young gay guys just coming out embrace these traits simply because they've been led to believe that's what being gay means.
On the flip side, I've also seen many gay guys who are so busy trying to emulate heterosexuals that they start to resent their more flamboyant brothers. I hate to hear a gay man say something like, "I can't stand flamey guys." That's just as homophobic as Fred Phelps picketing a gay funeral with a "God Hates Fags" sign.
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Feral:
--- Quote from: "Feral" ---Acting Straight
--- Quote ---That got me thinking about how often I hear someone gay use the expression "straight-acting" to describe another gay man. The more I thought about it, the more offensive it became. I'm sure I've been guilty of using it in the past, but more recently, I've come to realize just how damaging the term can be -- both within and outside the LGBT community.
How does one even act straight? Is there one prescribed way to be heterosexual? And why would a gay person even want to act straight? Possibly because the flip side of acting straight would be acting gay.
Ask your average Joe on the street what it means to act gay and you're likely to get a laundry list of gay stereotypes: limp wrist, lisp, obsession with appearance, flamboyant, and effeminate, maybe with a few "you go, girls" thrown in for good measure. Do I know any gay people who fit that description? Sure. But I know even more who don't. The truth is there are as many ways to act gay as there are to act straight. It's the stereotypes that scare some people, though.
...
So many gay people are caught up in negative image ideas. Some feel they have to act a certain way in order to be gay -- you have to worship Madonna, call all your guy friends "girlfriend," and sleep around as much as possible. Hey, if that's who you really are then great! You be you. The problem is, I've seen so many young gay guys just coming out embrace these traits simply because they've been led to believe that's what being gay means.
On the flip side, I've also seen many gay guys who are so busy trying to emulate heterosexuals that they start to resent their more flamboyant brothers. I hate to hear a gay man say something like, "I can't stand flamey guys." That's just as homophobic as Fred Phelps picketing a gay funeral with a "God Hates Fags" sign.
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Feral:
--- Quote from: "Feral" ---Read this.
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Feral:
--- Quote from: "MonkeyBoy" ---
--- Quote ---How does one even act straight? Is there one prescribed way to be heterosexual? And why would a gay person even want to act straight? Possibly because the flip side of acting straight would be acting gay.
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While I agree with this fellow in some respects, I think he's being too reductive.
We all know what "acting str8" is, and no, it's not just one mode. It's how we tried to act when we were 12, for good or ill. It's about repressing and conforming. *That* is what's personally damaging about it.
Hell, in that sense, I imagine alot of str8 guys don't much like it either.
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Feral:
--- Quote from: "Feral" ---I do think that when a gay describes himself as "straight-acting" (however this behavior might look in person) he is characterizing himself as not "acting gay." Of course, this immediately brings to mind the question "just what is this 'acting gay'?" I don't think the question really needs to be answered. The motivation here is to both characterize some nebulous concept of 'acting gay' as undesirable behavior and to advertise oneself as exhibiting virtuous behavior that is called 'straight.'
I've known people who claimed to be "straight-acting" and they seemed like perfectly average 'mos to me -- and not fellows who would easily be confused for straight. If one were to advertise oneself as "not femme" that would be one thing. To advertise themselves as straight is a rejection of their gayness.
To make matters worse, this phrase "straight-acting" is more normally part of a larger construction: "straight-acting and looking." Apparently it is possible to "look" like a total fag, but otherwise "act" straight.
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